Yap

maybe in another life

Regret is a strange thing. It doesn’t hit you right away. It waits until you're comfortable, until the moment has passed, and you’re looking back at what could have been. That’s when it creeps in. For me, it was a decision I made during one of the most pivotal moments in my life—my college entrance exam.

Like many students, I had a dream university. It was a place that I had always aspired to attend, where I imagined myself walking through the halls, surrounded by brilliant minds and endless opportunities. But when the time came to choose which universities to apply for, I did something I now deeply regret: I didn’t include my dream university in my choices.

The Fear of Failing

Why didn’t I? The simple answer is fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, and fear of seeing my dreams slip away. I had convinced myself that it was safer to choose schools where I felt my chances of acceptance were more secure. I wanted to avoid the sting of failure. After all, isn’t it easier to be safe than sorry?

But the irony is, when the test results came in, I realized I could have made it. My score was more than enough to get me into my dream university. I could have been there, pursuing what I wanted most, surrounded by the academic environment I had always hoped for. But I didn’t take the chance.

The Reality of Playing It Safe

The moment I saw my score, I felt a mix of emotions: relief for getting into a good school, yes, but also a deep sense of regret. I had taken the safe path, and while it didn’t lead me to failure, it didn’t lead me to the place I truly wanted either.

That’s the thing about playing it safe—you avoid risk, but you also limit your potential. You stay within the boundaries of what’s comfortable and familiar, but in doing so, you miss out on opportunities that could challenge you, shape you, and push you toward your dreams.

What I’ve Learned

Looking back, I realize that taking risks, especially when it comes to our dreams, is essential. There’s always the possibility of failure, but there’s also the chance of success—and that’s worth fighting for. The fear of failure shouldn’t hold us back from pursuing what we truly want.

Had I taken the risk, I might have been rejected, yes. But at least I would have known I tried. That, I believe, would have brought me peace, regardless of the outcome. Now, I’m left with a lingering “what if” that could have been avoided if only I had been brave enough to take that leap.

Moving Forward

I can’t change the past, but I can learn from it. If there’s one thing I’ve taken from this experience, it’s that the pain of regret is far heavier than the pain of failure. Failure is temporary—it’s a setback, a lesson. Regret, however, stays with you because it’s rooted in the knowledge that you never even gave yourself a chance.

For those who are facing similar decisions, my advice is this: take the risk. Apply for the dream school. Go after that opportunity. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know that you tried, and that’s something no one can take away from you.

As for me, I’m learning to live with my decision, but also to not let it define my future. I’ll take more risks from here on out, knowing that the possibility of success is always worth the chance of failure.

Because at the end of the day, I’d rather fail than live with the thought of what could have been.