Yap

September 2024

• I’m the Quiet One

  I’m the quiet one. The one who sits on the edge of conversations, nodding, smiling at the right moments, listening. Always listening. It’s like I’ve perfected the art of being present but not really there. I hear the laughter, the inside jokes, the stories that flow effortlessly from one person to another. And all the while, I’m thinking to myself, Why is it so hard to be one of them? Why is it so damn hard to feel like I belong? It’s strange, really. I watch how easy it is for others. How they slip into conversations without a second thought, share common interests, laugh about things that I don’t find funny. How they seem to just fit. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there, feeling like a puzzle piece from the wrong box, the one that doesn’t belong, no matter how much you try to force it into place. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why. Why can’t I be like them? Why can’t I share the same excitement over the things they love? Why do I feel like I’m constantly on the outside looking in? It’s…

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• In the End, We Only…

  They say you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. I used to think it was just another overused cliché, a phrase you’d hear in motivational speeches and self-help books. But standing here now, looking back at my decision, I can’t help but think how painfully true it is. I didn’t take the shot. When it came time to fill in the choices for my college entrance test, I froze. My dream university — the one I’d thought about for years, the one I could picture myself walking around in, studying in, growing in — was right there. It was within reach, but instead of reaching for it, I let fear hold me back. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear that maybe I wasn’t good enough. So, I didn’t include it in my choices. I told myself it was for the best, that playing it safe was the right move. After all, why set myself up for disappointment? Why risk getting my hopes up only to have them crushed? I convinced myself that the universities I did choose would be fine, that it wasn’t the end of the…

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• We Crave What We…

  It’s a curious thing, isn’t it? The way we long for things just beyond our grasp. There’s this quiet ache for what feels impossible, for something we believe is out of reach but still manages to consume our thoughts. In my case, it’s a pair of dream cars—cars that define style, power, and a level of luxury that I might never truly experience: the Porsche Carrera 911 4 GTS and the BMW M4 Competition. These machines aren’t just cars to me. They represent a symbol of achievement, a marker of status, and a thrill that’s hard to describe unless you’ve felt the hum of a high-performance engine beneath your fingertips. The Carrera 911 4 GTS is sleek, iconic, and powerful—everything about it screams perfection. The M4 Competition, on the other hand, embodies the spirit of speed, a beast that can dominate both the track and the streets. Just imagining what it would be like to drive them, to feel the acceleration and precision handling, is enough to make me pause and dream. But the truth is,…

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• How I Wish I Took…

  maybe in another life Regret is a strange thing. It doesn’t hit you right away. It waits until you're comfortable, until the moment has passed, and you’re looking back at what could have been. That’s when it creeps in. For me, it was a decision I made during one of the most pivotal moments in my life—my college entrance exam. Like many students, I had a dream university. It was a place that I had always aspired to attend, where I imagined myself walking through the halls, surrounded by brilliant minds and endless opportunities. But when the time came to choose which universities to apply for, I did something I now deeply regret: I didn’t include my dream university in my choices. The Fear of Failing Why didn’t I? The simple answer is fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, and fear of seeing my dreams slip away. I had convinced myself that it was safer to choose schools where I felt my chances of acceptance were more secure. I wanted to avoid the sting of failure.…

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• The Room is a…

  I’ve always found myself drawn to metaphors when trying to understand my emotions. Recently, the image of a jigsaw puzzle comes to mind—a perfectly arranged picture where every piece has its place. Except for one piece: me. I’m the piece that doesn’t fit. No matter how hard I try to find my place, it feels like I’m always on the outside, watching everyone else click together effortlessly. It’s not a new feeling, but one that’s become more persistent over time. I sit in rooms filled with people I call friends, and yet, I can’t shake the sense that I’m just a backburner friend—a supporting character in their lives, there for when they need something, but never really the one they reach out to first. It’s like they’re all in sync, finishing each other’s sentences, sharing inside jokes, and I’m just… there, nodding along, smiling at the right moments, but never truly part of the conversation. The Backburner Friend Being the backburner friend is exhausting. It’s not that people are…

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• Perhaps, Maybe,…

  Regret is a funny thing. It sneaks up on you long after the moment has passed—when there's no going back, when all you can do is wonder. Wonder about what could have been, what might have been if only you'd made a different choice. If only I had been braver. I often find myself lingering in that space between “what happened” and “what could have happened,” thinking about the decisions that shaped my journey into university life. There was a moment, a pivotal one, where everything could have been different. I remember sitting down to fill out the choices for my college entrance test. It’s one of those defining moments, and you’re supposed to feel excited about it—like your future is right there in front of you. But instead, I felt fear. The fear of failure, of rejection, of aiming too high. My dream university had always been a part of the vision I had for myself. I could see myself walking through the campus, sitting in the lecture halls, wearing that university's alma mater. It was a…

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